I suppose I should have given some warning that I’d be disappearing for a bit. Better yet, I should have been more on the ball, and planned ahead for my absence, and had posts all stored up in my queue.
In a perfect world that would have been the case. That world, however, simply isn’t where I live.
Oh well.
I had a sense when I started this year, that some ‘big’ things would be happening. Okay, maybe not ‘big’ things, maybe I should say ‘stretching’ things. Things that would nudge (push?) me out of my comfort zone.
Yesterday one of them came, and I’m surprised to find how positive I’m feeling about it.
When I answered the phone, and the gentleman on the other end asked to speak to my husband, and was inquiring about “how our church was going”, I felt a bit nervous, as I always do when this question comes. The reason I feel nervous about it is because very often, people don’t ‘get’ how we view church, or church planting, or what we hope and envision for our church, without first having a long conversation, trying to explain it…and still we are often met with blank stares. We know we are not fitting into the mold of ‘typical’ church planting…and in the past 7 years, we’ve become okay with that. But it still feels burdensome to face “The Question” and not know where the conversation will lead.
That being said, I still began slowly stepping in to some explanation of things, and when I was met with a level of understanding from the other end of the line, I opened up with more. It was one of those amazing times where I had the feeling “Wait! This person actually gets what I’m trying to say!“ That in itself was encouraging. (Ah, inner sighs of relief…) I actually got to the part where I told him that I was currently serving as the senior elder (lead pastor, but in our network, this happens to be the title…something I’ll explain in another post sometime). Amazingly, it didn’t end the conversation. He said “Oh, okay, well then let me share with you what I was going to talk to Todd about…” (At this point, you probably could have knocked me over with a feather…)
Then, he proceeded to tell me that he is involved with heading up a network of churches in our region, that, while from very diverse denominations and such, meet together on a regular basis to pray, and encourage one another. There’s apparently a monthly ‘local’ gathering, with leaders from churches in our neighboring towns, and a ‘regional’ gathering including churches across several counties. The regional meeting is held on a Saturday evening, with speakers brought in, and it’s a larger gathering, with both leaders and spouses attending together. (Good, good!) The local chapter is a smaller gathering of pastors, that meetings on a Thursday morning for prayer. (Here’s where my mental brakes start skreetching a bit…)
Sounds good, except that part where I’m…well, ya know…a girl.
This is where we’ve stalled out before.
Todd used to meet with a group of pastors, but from the conversations he had with some, where they tried to show him the error of his ways in having women in leadership…(and then overhearing one of those pastors conversing with someone else who knew of us, and saying that our church would never really amount to anything because of our ‘problems’ at the foundation…namely, women leaders…his actual words were “When you start compromising on those types of things, how long til the gospel is compromised?”) I knew that when we made some changes, and I took over the lead role at church and he returned to his marketplace job, I wouldn’t really be well-received to continue trying to meet with that particular group. (Not that I even know if that particular group still meets.) In any case, I’m not looking to offend or stir up trouble, by trying to push my way in anywhere, so it was just something that got let go by the wayside.
Back to the phone conversation… Since things seemed to be flowing well, and I felt a degree of openness, I figured I’d just put it out there…the question that usually feels like it will be a deal-breaker (though, more and more, I’m realizing this, as often as not, is rooted in my own inhibitions and expectations).
“The local gathering sounds cool…and we are very interested in connecting with other local churches, but…can you tell me how they would feel about having a woman leader attend?“ (Yep, save myself time, trouble and mental angst…just put it out there.)
His response was like a cool drink on a hot day…so refreshing.
He said…”We are a very diverse group, but we don’t focus on theological ‘issues’ in our time together, we focus on praying for the Church and each other. At the regional meeting, of course, spouses come together. At the local meeting, admittedly, you would be the first woman…sorry about that…but you would be welcome.”
You would be welcome.
What wonderful, open, inviting…and Christlike…words. These are the kind of words that I pray that we all, as the Church, begin to make ourselves more familiar with. This is the kind of attitude…this, let’s set aside our differences, and make priority our commonality…our mission…our Lord…that I want to cultivate. These are the kind of people that I want to be associated with, to co-labor with, to fellowship with. The kind that doesn’t look for someone to have to line up with every line, and jump through every hoop, but rather they can just say “You are welcome…because Christ has said you are welcome.”
So much takeaway from one conversation. So much blessing. So much encouragement that the Church is, in fact, being refined and purified, and, sometimes moreso than others, reflecting the image of Jesus.
Ironically…or maybe not so much…part of my year of courage, begins with me stepping out in some things that stretch me beyond my comfort zone. One of the things has to do with giving myself permission to try to stir up and tap into some creative sides of me that I have long said I simply didn’t have time to focus on. Do I have time now? Well, probably (and realistically) no more so than I ever have…but sometimes we just need to go for it, and choose to make some things priority, that simply weren’t in the past. For me, this year, this will be writing. Writing in various formats, which yet remain to be seen. However, the thoughts of intentionally pursuing any of it scares the bejeebers out of me. But, I’ve been praying, daily, that if this is something God wants to use for whatever His purposes are, then I want to be a willing participant. Even if it goes no further than teaching me something about myself. And almost daily, God prompts me to keep going…through something I read, a song or a word of encouragement. Today’s encouragement (or rather, one of them) has been through this quote from Emily Freeman, author and blogger (as shared by Simple Mom, Tsh on Facebook today):
“Creativity actually births courage. It comes after, not before. If you wait until you feel ready, you could be stuck in your small story for a very long time. Dare to see the art in everything, take small risks with great faith. You may find the fear fade a bit, and courage just might rise up within you like two great walls of water on either side, high enough for you to get lost in a good way in the bigness of it all.”
Surely the message of cultivate creativity to birth courage was God’s personal, hand-delivered message to me today…for which I am thankful and humbled.
Do you see God’s personal messages to you today? The gentle encouragement of His loving hand? Where do you find them in the midst of your day?
Hello, friends…and Happy New Year to you. I can hardly believe 2 months has gone by since my last post. As you know, I’m somewhat of a thinker…and I’ve been doing some thinking about what to do with this here li’l blog of mine. I’m not entirely sure what will be happening as of yet, but I think some changes might be on the way… I suppose you’ll just have to stay tuned to see…
In the meantime, and along the lines of praying for direction for a fresh, new year, I’ve got a few things that I’m choosing to focus on this year. A verse, and even more simply, a word. My verse for this year is Joshua 1:9…
I’ve been living a bit discouraged and burned out of late, and most definitely NOT courageous…so as I prayed and asked God to give me something to focus on for this year, as much as it makes me cringe…I felt like He was saying “courage”. So, while I’d rather have a world like “relax” or “rest” or “prosper” or even “succeed” to be my focus…well, that’s not what I was sensing…maybe next year. 
For now, I feel like God is speaking to my heart to take courage…which is kind of scary, because of course, being ever the optimist, I start thinking “courage for what???”. I do know some things God is putting his finger on in me that I do need to step up to, that will take some courage, but I am rather hoping that there’s not a bunch more (bigger/worse stuff) on the horizon…just waiting to jump up and bite me… 
(Like I said, ever the optimist…)
If you want to know more about the idea of a word focus for the year, I got it from the site One Word 365. You can click the button below to check it out. I think it’s a cool idea, and I’m definitely up for anything that helps me have a bit of focus. (Goodness knows I need all the help I can get!) And if you decide to jump in on the idea, I’d love for you to share with me what your Word will be!
Happy 2013 to you!!
